History knows numerous ways in which individuals tried to explain the diseases of the mind with some observable or unobservable forces of nature. We have Mesmer and Reich who claimed there are energies flowing through us that when blocked cause mental illness. Even Freud and Jung, with their inadequate scientific testing (or lack thereof), could not provide lasting resolution for human suffering. They did, however, lay foundations for psychotherapy and for work on the human brain. And recent years have provided proper studies confirming or disproving efficiency of some of the common methods of treatment (a good read on the matter: click).
Maybe there are energies flowing through us. It may bring us comfort to suspect they are there. But there is no way to scientifically support that claim. And we are nowhere near being able to manage or control that flow. Imagination is a powerful force. There is this famous placebo effect (also read this click). Adapting a positive attitude to life is very likely to make us happier. Plus, we are responsible for our own feelings, which changes a lot.
When we experience discomfort or lack of harmony in our lives, we may seek and explore many weird methods. We may convince ourselves of their righteousness and stick to them in search of feeling of familiarity and safety. We have to stick to something, right? Or is it us trying to bypass the actual work that needs to be done?
Yoga teaches us to not be attached to the fruits of our labour. There are many arguments in favour of the autotelic approach to life. Doing things for the sake of doing helps us avoid the dopamine swings. Helps us learn and enjoy life to its fullest.
Yoga is not a set of rules to govern our lives.
We may be longing for guidance and to let go of responsibility of ourselves. It is a convenient attitude, to lean into someone else’s words and convictions. And there is nothing wrong with doing that every now and then. After all, we are humans and everything in life is there for us.
With its eight limbs extending far beyond the mat, yoga is a practice. By practising yoga, we get better. Better in yoga, better in our bodies, better in life. We increase our tolerance for discomfort and soothe our pains. We learn how to receive all that comes our way with openness, flexibility and gratitude. We learn how to be mindful in our own lives and maybe avoid getting into trouble.
But yoga cannot replace psychotherapy or medical treatment of the existing issues.
When we are faced with discomfort, loss of a person or an idea, we go through the grieving process. There are several stages of it: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We may be stuck in some of the phases, we may go back and forth between some of the stages. I can understand how one can refuse to accept to change their life or try to bargain with the situation. Only to delay the unnecessary. Clinging on to hope keeps us stuck.
A skilled and trained professional such as a therapist can help us go through that process. The presence of someone with confidence in the process really makes a difference and brings us closer to health.
In the last 12 months I spent a lot of time working on my own issues. I used EMDR, very helpful tool to address traumas of all sorts. It helped me remove triggers or automatic reactions that made my life hard to consciously manage. It changed my view on things and shed some light on blind spots in my own belief system. I learnt to discern what is not love but somebody else’s bullshit. It alleviated pain that governed some parts of my life. But most importantly, it showed me that the journey never ends. Even now, without the triggers I could not manage, I can see areas of my life I need to think through, ideas to internalise, concepts to implement.
I know I would not benefit from EMDR at all if I was not conscious of my triggers or did not agree what happened to me was wrong. I could have been stuck in denial. In some areas I probably still get stuck. Years spent in talk therapy before EMDR were necessary for all of it to be of any use. If yoga helped in any of this, it was mostly the ability to observe and question everything that came through my senses.
What kind of person am I now?
I must admit, it is super difficult to return to writing after all events of this year. I am still deciding which parts of myself to develop and which ones to spend more time with. I am more careful now in declaring my truths. Somehow I ended up being more physically active, taking far less supplements, avoiding alcohol or any other substances. I sleep much better now. I no longer feel lonely or upset. In the end, it seems that I am not eating meat. Not religiously, I tried a bite of my mom’s cooking yesterday 🙂
I have no clue what to do next, but that does not worry me. All I really need to do is to focus on what is. That is all 🙂
