Blog

Nowadays mental health is a thing. Some people actually take care of it. How can you tell something is wrong with your mind? I guess awareness is so important. But unless you meditate several times per day or live a fairly relaxed life without the urge to disconnect, chances are you might miss some early warnings. One thing that always makes me call my therapist is recognition of the Karpman’s drama triangle.

Who was Karpman and what does he have to say about my life?

In the 60’s therapists were exploring the concept of transactional analysis. We create certain relationships on the premise of getting from others what corresponds to our (often unconscious) needs. This exchange is often subliminal. This exchange leads us to play certain roles that we can recognise pretty much everywhere (see “Games People Play” by Eric Berne, 1964). Eric Berne’s student, Stephen Karpman, described the drama triangle (“Fairy Tales and Script Drama Analysis” 1968). 

Drama triangle may seem like a conflict, but leads nowhere and frustrates everyone instead of bringing resolution. It helps people interact with each other by temporarily satisfying their needs while avoiding facing uncomfortable emotions. Having three players stuck in the same game and mutually reassuring each other about their version of reality makes it to a certain extent sustainable, hence the prevalence of the structure. If all three are wrong, how can they tell?

There are three corners of the triangle:

• Person who chooses the Victim role;
• Person who persecutes, pressures and buillies the Victim;
• Person who intervenes and rescues the Victim.

They can’t exist without each other. Change of any player leads to change in the other. Lack of one makes the triangle unsustainable.

Victim

Victim is probably the most important corner of a triangle, as the whole game is often initiated by the Victim. Whether it attracts an actual Persecutor or makes up one (alcohol, evil system, evil boss), the Victim refuses to admit it has the ability to shape its life or to take responsibility for the situation. The Victim may feel powerless or unable to change anything. In the absence of an actual Persecutor, the habituated Victim may kick-start the drama by subconsciously synthesizing the offense out of thin air. This way it can complain about its situation and encourage a Rescuer to enter the triangle. While the Rescuer may seem to make it better, he reinforces the Victim’s negative feelings while not helping. The Victim may get overwhelmed or anxious, not empowered or self confident enough to solve problems. It takes every opportunity to complain. You may find the Victim apologising even though it believes it is not guilty of anything. Just to brush off the responsibility.

Playing the Victim may be a technique used to seek the attention of someone who would take care of the Victim out of pity. If someone starts complaining about being oppressed and helpless, they may be just trying to attract a Rescuer. They often hold a belief that life is hard and unfair, striving to find justification for that attitude.

The Rescuer

This character may have the most ambiguous motive of all; there is something dishonest about the Rescuer’s attempts. While he steps in to save the Victim, his reasons are more about himself. He may feel superior: needed, important and in charge. That is also another way of avoiding facing his internalised feeling of inadequacy and his own anxiety. In fact, the Rescuer goes to the rescue when he feels guilty. He behaves as if he had no other choice but to help people. Oftentimes you may find the Rescuer to be excessively controlling and judgemental.

While the Rescuer may seem to be defending the Victim from the Persecutor, his presence gives the other players permission to stay in their roles. He keeps the Victim dependent by encouraging their victimhood, giving it permission to fail. Rescuer’s role may be tempting for the expected recognition and approval, so his hidden motive is not to succeed.

The Persecutor 

Persecutors attack or oppress the Victim, feeling their behaviour is justified. This may take the form of a revenge, punishment or “trying to help”. Persecutors deny their vulnerability, the same way as the Rescuers deny their needs. You may find Persecutors looking at the world through black and white lenses, anxious to get people to do what they want.

They may have been on the receiving end of the stick in their childhood, suffering mental or physical abuse from their caregivers. Unsurprisingly, their biggest fear is powerlessness and shame. Overwhelmed by chaotic and insecure early life, Persecutors develop controlling strategies that help them minimise the feeling of uncertainty. For this they need someone to blame, whom they invalidate through bullying or domination. It may be the result of their projection, playing out childhood scripts, or simply weak boundaries and the lack of assertiveness.

And the game rolls

There are a few things all players have in common: they lack personal accountability, the internal conflict is projected onto others, players are self absorbed and lack empathy. The Victim denies making its own choices and taking ownership, the Rescuer denies his own needs and the real impact it has on the Victim, similarly to the Persecutor who, when you think about it, does pretty much the same as the Rescuer. The difference is, Persecutor doesn’t know how to communicate peacefully, whereas Rescuer is afraid of conflicts and harshness.

While the Victim seems to be the most helpless of them all, it practically controls the play’s script. In fact, Karpman described the triangle as a “drama triangle” rather than “conflict triangle”, because the Victim is acting. The roles are complementary, each player is attracted to the triangle through his own denied qualities that he sees in others, thereby avoiding facing these qualities in himself. It’s just another way of avoiding being real.

Most of us have been in all three corners of the triangle, repeating the same patterns of behaviour and getting the same results. The aftertaste is bitter – the drama triangle inhibits problem solving, creates confusion and compromises trust. The good news is, each of the corners can break out of the system.

Another interesting view: [link].

Karpman’s original “Fairy Tales and Script Drama Analysis”: [link].