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“This time will be different.” – Five most expensive words in the history of crises. Funny thing is, we all keep falling into this trap, over and over again.

When we suffer some kind of emotional trauma or injury, especially in childhood, we may not be able to process it straight away. Children may not have brains developed enough for this processing at all. So we block out this part of ourselves that feels related pain. But disconnection is not easy to keep, we are naturally drawn to completeness (hence our choice of triggering partners, famous “compulsion to repeat” or “unfinished business”). To sustain it, we gravitate towards things that distract us from the pain. Such a distraction can be useful for a little while, as it numbs the sensation while we undertake certain survival-related activities. The problem arises when we keep using distractions to feel good, even after they served the purpose. That is what addiction looks like.

In most types of abuse, we may be tempted to believe that it was our fault that the aggressor hurt us. We may be trained to try to manage their emotional states. Which we cannot do. If someone is aggressive, it is their choice. If someone plays the victim, it is their choice. And we have zero influence over it. Regardless of what the abuser tells me to feel good about what he did to me. But thinking I have that power over his moods – that feels good. It is narcissistic, the concept of omnipotence. Feeling of control is supposed to minimise my fear, my pain and the anxiety which results from numbing uncomfortable feelings.

So look, the abuse may be emotional and that already has the capacity of causing PTSD. It does not have to have an immediate life-threatening aspect, it is however usually repeated over time, which in a way still is life-threatening. It is rarely happens to us once, that we could brush it off and keep going. It is usually something between two people, often between whom some kind of commitment exists. So in most cases, this kind of relational trauma is still ongoing.

This kind of danger forces us to look away from ourselves. We are wired in such a way that we look towards the source of the threat. It even has a name: orienting response. If we focused on our feelings and needs, we would risk losing sight of our abuser. So we rather numb ourselves. Because we have to, if we want to stay safe. Some could say this is where nature went wrong, but I am not so sure of that.

There are different kinds of addiction. Substances. Eating disorders. Perfectionism. Sex. Gambling. Power. Work and prestige. Working out. Internet. Computer games. Tatoos. Self abuse. Ruminating and rationalising. Other people. Solving riddles and math equations. Books. Spirituality. Conspiracy theories. Conspirituality. Getting addicted always leads to weakened will, together with the development of defense mechanisms.

“Somewhere in the development of the addict, the addict makes a bargain with chaos, which is like making a deal with the devil.” – Patrick Carnes, the “grandfather” of sex addiction treatment

The thing is, we cannot say we recovered, if we keep some numbing in our system. Okay, giving up on substances for computer games, may be an improvement given the physical destruction caused by alcohol or drugs, comparing possibly lower immediate harm caused by computer games. Don’t get me wrong, we can seriously hurt ourselves by overdoing anything. But just one dosage of some drugs may cripple us forever if we are unlucky, while a few hours with a computer game may only make us tired. (Unless someone has epilepsy, in such case he has to choose books.) Unfortunately this is still an addiction, we just switched the currency. If we want to heal, this has to be absolute. Health has to be a part of every aspect of your life, starting with individual recovery and expanding to other things, such as marriage, family, friendships and work life.

One of the key steps in the twelve step programme is admitting I have no influence. I have no control. Regardless of how tempting that thinking may be. But letting go of control is not enough. What we need to do is to open ourselves to what we try to run away from. More often than not, when we start to process our hardships, we already have a fully developed brain. We should be able to integrate the experience. This may require just as much as letting ourselves feel what we feel. If we are not ready, we will not get that feeling anyway. But if we are, facing our feelings is the only way to recover. For grave and traumatising experiences, we might want to ask a trained professional for help. When something freezes us in our bodies, the friendly presence of someone that can correct our tracks and remind us we are safe and loved – can be a massive help in processing the experience. This is an actual way to avoid re-traumatising.

So here is where I find my yoga useful. Consider this concept: all emotions are present in our bodies first. We are not just avoiding some abstract constructs of our brains. We are actually running away from the sensations in our torsos. We can use yoga to get exposed to stimulation of those areas so we can start by getting acquainted with having those areas alive. If we pay attention to those sensations. Find comfort in discomfort.

Addictions are very powerful. To counteract them, we may need to develop a daily yoga practice. I find it good to have a reminder every day, what it really means to be me: to feel, to struggle, to go through hardship. This is science. And linking yoga to astrology is a last ditch effort to stay traumatised.

Further reading: Peter Levine “Waking the Tiger”