You may have noticed, there has been less of me here in the last few months. It is not that I abandoned the idea of writing, it is that life has been unexpectedly busy for me: I came back to work. When I was taking time off several months ago, I thought I was done with working in finance. Clearly I am not. But I am a different person now.
I needed that time off. Needed to do something else for a bit to regain my perspective. Cat sitting, Netflix binge-watching, connecting with all my friends. I was almost sure I would become a neuroscientist, but then someone reminded me that I like to work hard, talk finance and read people in suits. That was when I knew: I am not done with finance, I am done with my last job.
They are good people. They were kind to me and helped me grow. When I joined the company I was shy, often afraid and unsure of myself. They offered conditions that enabled me to give my best despite all shortcomings. I still feel a certain degree of loyalty to them and everyone I met on the way I would like to refer to as friends.
But with protection come limitations. And as I was regaining my perspective and still doing a tonne of work on my shit, I felt them. I felt it was expected of me to give up on things I wanted to do, so that somebody else could have a go. I simply grew out of my cocoon. Forging through the resistance would come at a price I did not want to pay.
Now, my life’s stance has changed. I have a cat and a supportive boyfriend. Coming back after work means coming back to cuddle, having someone to do stuff with and go places. As long as I retain my integrity, I can have a career and a personal life.
I was ready, waiting for the right opportunity. I found something that feels perfect. Has a good sound to it and an excellent company to play around with. New doors have opened and things have become so much easier. Living in London also means I can do yoga every damn day with teachers that actually support their students, make it about yoga not just good press or the likes.
The most important thing is, though, that I have some unfinished business that will haunt me unless I face it head on. In my past life it was my shyness and a range of triggers that held me back from doing what I felt was right. I have new shiny tools that help me see past my perspective now. I would like to exercise my voice, my power to put ideas to life and use what I know in practice.
I expressed my dreams some ten years ago about the same time of the year. I was on a date, a boy was smart but was looking for someone older and more confident than me. He asked me about my plans for the future. Words immediately came out of my mouth: I want to see how far I can go. So here I am, testing my limits. Doing all that in excellent company.
