“The bursting forth of spring in a field of flowers is the magic of creating filling us with awe and making us feel the wonder and magnificence of life. It is not the gradual transformation that excites us so. The mystery lies in the explosive nature of the fenomenon. For van Gogh the explosion occurred not only in nature but in his brain and in his pictures.
We know, of course, that the bursting forth of life is preceded by a long period of preparation. A baby bursts into the world at birth, but was slowly being prepared for this event. A flower seems to open overning, but it, too, had a long development. The bursting is always breaking into light of a process that previously went on in the dark, and it is this aspect that seems magical. There is a sense of liberation, as if a force previously bound breaks few. There is also a sense of creation, as if a new being or new state of being is suddenly there.
Yet it is this very quality of life, this magic, creativity, joyfulness, exuberance, this explosive aspect that our culture is trying to suppress. We seek to control the life process to guard as against its vicissitudes, to protect us from illness and death, little realising that to do this one must transform life into a mechanical operation. In our attempt to prevent the valleys of experience we must eliminate the peaks. We must flatten life out so that it rolls like an assembly line in a manufacturing plant. At no point should it burst through its barriers, overwhelm its guardians, or confront them with a new creation. We talk creativity, but all our energies go into productive work rather than creativity. We worship doing, not being. ”
– Alexander Lowen, “Fear of Life”
This weekend I was reading “Fear of life” by Lowen. I got a big headache, cried maybe 7 times, became so drained and tired from emotions, that a nap was necessary. I filled numerous pages of my diary. In the end I had a date with the pigeon pose, which released a lot of locked up emotions, held back tears and tension. I feel like I have developed a relationship with Lowen, we have been on an adventure together.
I feel absolutely exhausted now and I did not finish the book. There is still a lot going on inside of me that I would like to release, to get out of the way. But you know what? I enjoyed the process. It seems that the most growth happens when we just let ourselves be, when we let things happen, and have fun as they do. Or let ourselves feel whatever emotions come our way. Such is life, to live is to feel, and to be.
So often we get trapped in our thinking patterns that are supposed to protect us from experiencing the sensations. By doing so we deny some parts of reality, we repress parts of our nature. Behind our nature there is a drive to connect with the lost parts, to bring everything together, like a drop of water wants to stay together in its round shape. So we are attracted to situations that expose our disconnection, creating opportunities to work through that. Such is the power of unfinished business, our Zeigarnik effect in action. And only after we do our homework, trust that the experience won’t tear us apart, remove the unhelpful thoughts – only then we can truly choose our fate and fully enjoy life.
What I like about yoga is that it is so complex it goes through almost all sensations from the body we can possibly imagine. Coincidentally, our emotions are underpinned by our bodily sensations. When we suppress an emotion, we do not run away so much from the feeling itself, but from how it feels in the body. Getting exposed to that sensation increases our tolerance for that sensation, increases our ability to contain emotions we would normally run away from. As a result, we gain space, which we can use to explore our thinking patterns, or just to experience fully the wonder of life and release us from repetition. But to do so, certain therapeutic work is needed, certain knowledge about human conditions, as well as other people that witness our growth and create healthy bonds which we use to ground ourselves in the world. Hence the importance of having a teacher or a therapist. And of exploring deeper aspects of yoga behind the physical exercises that look pretty on Instagram.
There are eight limbs of yoga. All of them have a useful application. We can, and should, use all of them to fully grow as humans, to heal our wounds and become whole. We have a free will, capacity to decide to break free from the vicious cycle of our ego patterns. Yoga is a path at the end of which we can truly choose our life.
