In just a few days I will be in Rishikesh, India, starting a Yoga Teacher Training in a school registered with Yoga Alliance, therefore eligible to grant a certificate upon completion of a study. I am about to embark on a journey towards self-discovery, unification and healing. And I want to let you all know how it goes.
I cannot believe this is finally coming true. A year before COVID I asked my previous employer if maybe they would be open to the possibility of granting me extended holidays so that I could complete my training. They agreed. As I knew how much work we had, how important it was that I stayed put in the company, that plan had a distant execution date – late 2020. Sadly, in late 2020 not many foreign visitors were allowed to enter India. And I already had chosen my school and was sold on the idea of doing my training exactly there. Where the teacher “knows his stuff”.
I was not a long-time yoga practitioner when I dreamed up my training. I was just lucky. The flat I was renting was just across the street from one of the best yoga studios in Ireland. I got to discover the benefits of daily morning and evening yoga, see for myself what good it does for my daily maintenance and management, as well long term mind transformation, trauma recovery and all. And the way we can build a community which helped me everywhere I went thereafter.
I think I got into yoga partly out of anger. I was hurt and angry at my ex for not being his priority. I guess this was part of his charm, he showed less than he actually cared. Instead of bitching about him I was committed to do something about my life, prioritise myself for good. Do something every day that I know charges my batteries. That included talking to 5 different strangers every day, which taught me being an introvert just means not having the social muscle exercised enough. That included daily guitar sesh, which showed me I can play well enough to sing along. That included embarking on numerous adventures, surfing, travelling (mostly to Spain, tbh) and meeting many amazing people that are there to stay.
I met fascinating personalities that happened to be my yoga teachers. Each and every one of them taught me a bit of wisdom that I get to keep with me forever. Well, with maybe two exceptions, but I guess these lessons will also come when I am ready.
Am I ready? Hell no. And I think I will never really be. For me this is something I just have to go and do for myself. Am I flexible enough? Nowhere near. Have I been practising regularly? Not really.
I spent the last few months thinking that these may be my last days in finance. I still like it, I could maybe set up my own thing, do it on the side. So I made an effort to finish what I started, knowing I can do something good, something that others need – even in such a privileged industry as finance. Is my work changing the world? I do not think so. But even if I do not believe in something, that does not release me of the responsibility to do my best, especially when people rely on me.
Maybe this was different from my previous workplace? I was not needed there. I was good to have. Good to talk to about everything, good to pick up things when they were super difficult and in crisis, so I would face the challenges head on and sort them out. I still love my previous teammates, but I lost my heart for the company. But my current company still has it. They asked me to stay. There is still a lot to be discussed, but I got a friendly nod towards my plans.
I got to the point where I could do without work, I could maybe have my life a bit humbler, with less money, but an abundance of another resource: time. There are books to be read, there is a guy that I want to spend my time with, there are adventures to be had and possibilities to be explored. Articles to be written, stories to be discovered and told. And the society that needs someone who believes in it. I want to change and shape the world around me. Not that I have a plan, merely a few ideas of what could be done. And well, curiosity. Can I do it?
My body is not in the best place now. I am really, really tired. Still have not sorted out my anemia, although I do have a theory, and it should get better in India. Just as I am hoping my PMDD will improve, also following a theory or two. Also, my wrist hurts – just before the two month endeavour which involves daily planks, push-ups and handstands. LOL. I made sure to spend a lot of time with someone I care about, ensured someone will look after my cat and made an effort to catch up on sleep. I got vaccined against everything that was possible. (Am I autistic yet? No? Is it coming though?). Surely I could have packed better. I still have to pick the book for my flight – narrowed it down to 7 now. There is so many I have not read yet! I am slightly relieved to leave all vanity tools at home. No necklaces, dresses, rings, eye shadows. Just me, myself and yoga. And a solemn commitment to write about it all 🙂
