India is charming. Not by standards of instagrammable reality. That could be found here too, without a doubt. It is more the simplicity of life, the disillusionment with things that made us wrong before. The reconnecting with where we came from.
The training started off with a fire ceremony at the beginning. I know very little about what was going on, including the chanting that we did. But I got my dot of red paint with some rice on my forehead, colorfull thread on my wrist, got to throw stuff into the fire and eat some local sweets. Indians like to start everything with a prayer, to remind ourselves of our spiritual part of life. I am learning that I am in fact spiritual, I have always been. I just called it something else.
We have very little time here. We practice, we study, we eat and sleep. We try to find time to study what we have learned too. Then we process our emotions. To be fair, it is probably good we cannot find much time to do anything else. This way we really cannot escape what we need to face. I expect my 300 hours training to be even more packed. We have to squeeze in extra 100 hours in the same 4-week period, this means additional 4 hours per day of study.
Strict daily routine
Daily practice reminds me of Lucy, very much so. Lucy recommended this school, she came here to do her training. Her classes were structured in a similar way to the classes here. She taught me asanas in the same way her teachers are teaching me know. There are many things in my practice that I have picked up to do correctly, but I have some mobility limitations. Hands one adjustments are painful, but after that there is always progress. Everything hurts (that also reminds me of Lucy) but I feel like home. Like the most comfortable I have felt in the last few years, in Yoga Dublin studio. They say our practice during classes is for the class and our self practice is for ourselves. I still think all practice is for ourselves. However, I am getting up one hour earlier than needed, just to do some Sun Salutations and drills directed at particular challenges of mine.
Ayurvedic doctor
Shortly after I arrived, I was struggling with hyperacidity. Runny nose, sore throat itching ears, weeping eyes, challenged breathing. Western medication brought from home just could not do it for me. I went to see an ayurvedic doctor.
He said: I am not a doctor, you are not a patient. I am like a father, you are like my daughter. You came to me to tell me about the problem, and it is my duty to help you.
Then he took my hand, checked my pulse, looked at my skin and based on that went directly to the root of the problem. He gave me some medication that resolved it within just a few hours. And I have not had a problem since then. Now I am thinking about following Ayurvedic diet, forever after, despite the sea of prejudice I had about it until now.
Ayurvedic diet might not be far off from what I am getting used to appreciate. 95% of my food here is vegan. All that I eat, literally, are pulses, veggies and grains. Now having explored more of ayurveda, I might skip the fruits, they come together with grains and that combination is not meant to be beneficial for us. Other than that, we sometimes get Indian tea in the food place nearby. I miss the food at home a little bit, but to be fair, I miss everything and everyone. Just having a weaker moment I guess.
Shadow work and joy
My group is tiny, just 5 of us, which gives us plenty of attention from the teachers. Everything happens for a reason though. There are triggers that I still working on. Given that 80% of my trauma is very social and relationship based, my enthusiasm is slightly dimmed. I still have not processed my parents habit of badmouthing everyone/everything, and I am getting triggered when I hear heavily emphasised disgust or contempt. I get that here a lot 
I did realise that my own sharing of fascination with psychotherapy or shadow work may be triggering others in a similar manner. Many things to learn. The good thing is, as soon as I get home, I will have plenty of books to take with me. Also, the sandbags in our practice room have glitter inside!
We are not getting to see too much of India. Technically I could go now with the group to see a local village and rob people of their food, but I need to catch up with studying, and get some quality time for myself. I am thinking about the future set-up of my apartment. How to make more space for practice. What to buy here and bring with me. What habits I want to keep. This is a bit of escapism though.
I fucked up one major thing with someone super important to me. This has to do with what triggers me and with the intensity of my reactions that I owe to PMDD. To my surprise, I might have found a remedy that could help me manage it. He says it is not too late, I suppose my own fears get in the way too. As soon as I have a solid opinion on the remedy, I will try to share. (Watch this space for more PMDD related content :]).
And it is like that. 
fot. by Candice Dodge
